Monday - Saturday

     If you read my blog regularly, you probably gathered from the last few posts (not including yesterday's) that I had a pretty rough week. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

     Monday was just exhausting. I hadn't eaten much for a few days, so I felt really weak, and I spent most of the day crying. Like, it was seriously uncontrollable. I ended up cutting that night, and I couldn't sleep at all, even after taking 150mg of Benadryl. I was really worked up, because I didn't want Tuesday to come. But of course it did.

     Olivia, who I knew from Renfrew, would have turned nineteen on Tuesday. I was in Devereux when she died, so I didn't even know about it until this January. I feel really terrible about it. It's like I wasn't even a good enough friend to go to her funeral or anything. I didn't know she was dead for more than six months. And of course there's the missing her. I don't know why her birthday was more difficult than the anniversary of her death. It sounds silly, but the worst part about Tuesday was that I couldn't even send her a birthday card. I made one, but I couldn't send it. It sucked.

     Wednesday was hard, too. I still wasn't eating enough, and I'd barely slept the night before, but I had to be all positive and energetic because my class had Buddies that day. Buddies is every Wednesday during second period group time. My Therapeutic Emotional Support class walks over to the elementary school to do activities with their Therapeutic Emotional Support class. It's usually really fun, but I was still having a really difficult time, so it didn't go so well. I was trying so hard to keep it together for the kids, and I was doing really well with that, but then I just couldn't hold it in anymore and I started to break down. I didn't want the kids to see me like that, so I left their classroom, but there's no way they didn't hear me crying in the hallway. I still feel awful about it. I'm kind of scared to go back next week.

     Thursday was a ton better. My friend and I didn't have to be in school for pretty much the entire day because we were helping our school's Life Skills class at the IU13 Holiday Bazaar. The Bazaar is basically an event for all of the IU13 classes of every school in the county. They come to the main IU13 building and set up tables with crafts they've made, and then sell them to the parents, teachers, IU13 employees, etc. The event lasts all day, and, as crowded as that place is, I had a lot of fun. I want to be a Special Education teacher when I finish school, so I always enjoy working with the Life Skills class. I feel like I've really connected with several of those students. It was so great being with them. I'm not trying to say that they understand eating disorders, but I honestly think that those kids are the reason I ate lunch that day. They're so sweet and loving that I hardly even thought about the food I was putting into my mouth. And, ever since then, I've been eating normally again.

     Friday was so much fun, and I have Amber to thank for that. She's seriously like my best friend at school and we have every class together, so we're never apart. She rocks. I know she reads my blog, and she'll probably kill me for writing about her, but I don't care. That girl is hilarious - she always manages to make me smile. Like, always. And, Amber, since I know you're reading, thanks for being my pal, even though you're "not at school to make friends." (:

     Anna took me to the animal rescue league again this morning! It was super fun. I spent the whole morning in this one cat kennel just petting kitties and letting them play with my shoelaces. I love going there. Anna and I joke that I could quit therapy if I could go there more often, but I don't think that's far from the truth.

     Well, this is pretty long! I wasn't expecting that I'd write this much. I'm out of things to say now anyway, so I have no other option but to stop boring you. I hope that all is well with everyone!