Shakes And Aches

     Anyone who says that people with eating disorders hate food is either really stupid, or really ignorant. We, and I believe I speak accurately for most eating disordered individuals, love food. If we hated it, we would not be so obsessed. If we hated it, we would not be so afraid of it. We don't hate food, especially when we're starving.

     They're back. The much too familiar hunger shakes and headaches have returned. They're awful, but I wouldn't sell them for anything. I feel just like I did when I was taking big doses of those diet pills and consuming over 1000mg of caffeine every day. I am weak, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I want to eat. I do, I really really do. But I won't.

     I need a scale. Now. I need one now. I need to know how much progress I've made. I need to know what I am. Not knowing my weight is absolutely torturous.