Rambling...

Well, my friends, thus far, today has been a success. I averted an anxiety attack, threw away a staple with which I intended to hurt myself, ate a good amount of food for lunch, stayed out of the bathroom afterwards, and didn't have to leave my classroom. Let's count all of that as progress, shall we?
I don't know why I started blogging. Maybe I'm doing this instead of writing in a journal, or, perhaps I do this in hopes that sharing my experiences will make others feel less alone. I'm not really sure. Regardless, I like it. Hence, I will continue.

As some of you know, I ride a van to school. On both the front end and the back end, it conspicuosly states that it transports SCHOOL STUDENTS. I can't complain, though. There are a few kids in my class who ride short buses. Anyway, I was riding in my little van yesterday morning, headed to school, when, for no apparent reason, I freak. Yeah. Fun stuff. So for almost ten minutes I'm just sitting there with my legs up and my head down, crying and hyperventilating. I really thought I might die from overheating or hyperthermia or something of that sort. When Greg, the van driver, pulled up school, I decided I simply was not going to get off. If I did, the inconsiderate, apathetic, insensitive, and "normal" trolls of the highschool would ridicule me, which would, not only cause me to feel like an imbecile, but it would escalate the horrible sense of panic I was experiencing. So the only other person who rides the van at the same time I do, who also happens to be in my Therapeutic Emotionl Support class, went in the building to get my teacher, Miss Boone. She rocks, by the way. When Miss Boone came out, she got on the van and talked me through my anxiety until the bell rang and I could go inside without being seen. The rest of the day was alright, though.

I don't know, guys. I think I've just given up hope, but it's probably just for the time being. I really couldn't care less about recovery at this point. Sometimes, I don't even care about life. But that's nothing new; I've delt with those thoughts on and off for years.
I vote we end on a positive note. And, since I'm the only one voting, and since majority rules, I win.(: So, I'll leave you with a little quote.

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."